Two is better than one

I am in my late thirties and facing the eternal dilemma which every late parent faces. Should we have a second baby or are we now too old to be handling an infant? In today's age and with the pressures of modern life, by the time a couple settles down they realise that the early thirties have passed by. Add to it the fact that you have to have your own home before you have a baby. That adds another few years to this. Where will you keep changing homes with a small baby is the common question posed by all near and dear ones.

So when you eventually have a baby in your arms, you have crossed 35. You are happy that you have a husband, a home and a baby. Your life is sorted. Till your baby starts growing up.

From just needing you he starts needing company. You feel you are spending enough time with your kid, giving him personal attention and care. But your kid wants other kids. He wants someone his age. Someone he can relate to. Someone who plays games with him as innocently as he does. Someone who wins against him and not lets him win because he's a kid. And there starts your dilemma.

You have barely got your full nights of sleep back and you start thinking if its time for another one. Then your age knocks in. Are you too old to have another baby? Are you too old to look after a baby? Even if the first hurdle is overcome which is a matter of some months, the second is for life. Taking care of a baby at 25 is much easier than taking care of a baby at 35 and as you grow older you see it taking a toll on you.

You remind yourself of all the difficult days you had with your first baby. Will you be able to deal with the same ones three years later? So while all around you tell you to just have another baby without thinking too much, you constantly keep asking yourself if you are ready for it. Everyone wants a sibling and your daughter will be grateful for it, I am told.

Each day I inch forward by a step towards the decision to have a second one and the next day I move four steps back. It has been a dilemma I haven't been able to solve for the last two years.

When I decide to make peace with just having one, my daughter gives me signs that she needs a sibling. When I decide to have another one, my body gives me signals that I am not young anymore.

I guess the decision is easier to make when you are younger. At 38, you are sure it's too late. I will be 60 by the time my kid turns 20, I tell myself. He wouldn't even have settled in life when I would be retiring. Suddenly you remember the people who always told you to marry early and have kids early. But I did not find a man early in my life. I found him later in life, got married late and hence had my first child late.

Now is it too late to have my second child? Should I give up the thought or should I go ahead and give my daughter someone to play with?

I haven't been able to decide. I hope I can soon enough. Time is literally running out for me and as I said earlier I am growing old, not young.

Till my next post. You can write to me at http://mammamania.in

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